Sunday- easily one of the top five best days of my life. Why? I met Mike and Andy in Cleveland for the Indians v. Orioles game. While Andy was getting FREE food for all of us in the picnic area an employee of the Indians took our photo (it's adorable.) The Indians won the game too, 9-0. BUT the day, the day in it's own was BEAU-tiful.
When we said goodbye the first thing I did was pop in the CD that he made for me for my birthday (yesterday was my 23rd birthday.) It was great and right on for the course of our friendship/relationship to this point. He really makes me smile-
After I got home I spent some time with dad and Kim. We looked at photos of the little one and talked about Indiana a little then I went home, home. When I got home Bruce was already sleeping but mom and I enjoyed the birthday cake she made for me. It was yellow cake with chocolate frosting. She tried to make some kind of flowers on top but I agree with Bruce that it ended up looking more like a pumpkin patch but what does it matter it was delicious!
Sleep followed then I woke up and headed back to Indiana. That's where the story begins.
I want to believe that my friends always support me. I want to stand up for myself and I want to gain some self confidence but sometimes I feel like that isn't allowed. I can't remember a day better then Sunday (within my memory) and for some reason I couldn't hold onto that feeling. That feeling was a good one- I felt pretty. I felt loved. I felt safe. I felt happy- I felt on top of the world! Why is it that every time I feel like that it's soon after followed by a storm?
I was the sunshine on Sunday in a blue sky without a cloud. I was the moon dancing when I slept. I was the sunrise in the early morning on Monday but I became the Thunderstorm without an end Monday night because I didn't use my umbrella to keep me dry. When the rain pelted down on me it stole my "shine." I like being the sun. I like being warm and making people smile but all to often those people/things are what I also alow to make me the storm. My umbrella is under construction but can't pass the test if I'm not holding onto it. My umbrella is strong and honest and given the chance would do away with the rains exsistance. I hope my umbrella will be patient in it's work and I hope we can see the rainbow together.
Today it's gloomy and I'm hidden behind the clouds waiting patiently for today to turn around- to patch up the holes in my umbrella and tell it of it's worth and ask it to stay a while to help me fend off the storms. The sun may be a mighty thing but it's nothing to anyone without an umbrella to scare away the rain and keep it dry.
I don't want more yesterdays.
I want more tomorrows.
No more sappy saps in my blog life but this was needed.
K. Swansun
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